Available From: Aldi.
Extended Warranty: Not currently available.
What immediately strikes you about the Aldi bag is that it is brilliantly designed – the real masterstroke being the choice of material. Crafting the bag from very thin, cheap, flexible plasticky stuff (recycled polythene, according to Aldi) makes for highly efficient performance as a bag. The manufacturers could instead have chosen to make the bag from cardboard. It is to their credit that they didn’t.
A lady I met on holiday wore a cardboard bra, and it made me think of her in a different light from other women. She was a very nice lady, but one day as we were looking at rock pools, she said: “I wear a cardboard bra you know”, and I just thought: “Why?”. It’s not really something you question someone about, so I never found out. You can’t really say: “Given the almost endless choice of bras on sale on the high street, why did you select one made of cardboard?” It would sound quite silly as much as being a bit personal. Not that announcing you wear a cardboard bra out of the blue sounds exactly sensible (let alone actually wearing it), so I suppose it wouldn’t have been out of turn for me to respond with something equally stupid. But I didn’t. Anyway, if you’ll pardon the digression, Aldi save shoppers the need to explain why they’ve brought their goods home in a cardboard bag, by not actually making one in the first place. I haven’t asked whether or not they sell carboard bras – mainly because I thought they might call Social Services and have me examined by force. The look I got when I asked if the bag had an extended warranty was frightening enough.
The bag comes in white, bearing a blue, orange and yellow Aldi logo. This will match your clothes, if they are blue, orange, yellow and white.
There’s a piece of free mentoring advice on the bag, which says: ‘Spend a little, live a lot’. My one issue as regards this advice is that there’s no real guidance on how to do it. I did look it up online, obviously, but the only real route I could find to spending less and living more was to overthrow the government. I wonder if that’s what Aldi mean?
The Aldi web address is also printed on the bag. I’m not sure why anyone would need this unless they want to look at pictures of cheap food. Unless of course Aldi are planning to post details on overthrowing a government in the near future.
Since it is not precisely clear whether Aldi are on a mission to overthrow the government, I have not been able to establish the main purpose of this bag. But since no one has yet successfully overthrown the government during the tenure of the product, I must assume that if it is primarily designed to subvert democracy, then it has fallen short of its brief – so far. If it was designed to transport sausages and beefburgers, whilst mobilising a public revolt against the state, then to date, it has only achieved part of its brief. If it was purely conceived for the transportation of supermarket stock, then it works. But then why is it advising people to do something which is only possible if the proletariat rise up against parliament and take down the regime?