The "Jeez That's Quick!" Toolbar

Bob Leggitt | Sunday, 1 January 2012 |

If you’re the kind of cat who digs toolbars, this one is most definitely 4 U!

You may already have lots of toolbars on your computer. If you do, chances are you can barely use the damned thing. You see, most toolbars are not what they seem. They are not there to make your life easier. They’re there to generate a retirement fund for the Devil, at the expense of your system resources and freedom of choice.

But the Spume Industries Wizz Bang “JEEZ THAT’S QUICK!” TOOLBAR is different. On the face of it, it does look like the work of the Devil - or at least one of his ugly disgusting little minions with a smaller fork and brain. But when you check what this toolbar can do, you are gonna soil yourself with excitement! Because far from being evil, the "Jeez That's Quick!" is wholesome, and good, and miraculous. In fact, it's the coolest toolbar in the universe, and here’s why…

1. Your antivirus and firewall slow down your computer. JTQ Toolbar will cure this problem by completely destroying your antivirus and your firewall. But don’t worry – you will never again need an antivirus or a firewall once JTQ Toolbar has taken up residence on your machine! JTQ will also destroy a host of other pointless programs which eat up your resources and make your life a misery. But best of all, JTQ will KILL ALL OTHER TOOLBARS ON YOUR SYSTEM - STONE DEAD! The result? Your computer will run at least eight times faster than before. This amazing toolbar is not called JEEZ THAT’S QUICK for nothing! 

2. JTQ Toolbar pays you £££s for every web search you do. Simply enter your bank details after the installation is complete, and JTQ starts giving you free money.

3. JTQ Toolbar automatically knows what you need, before you even realise it. Just switch on your PC and JTQ will automatically start searching for STUFF, reading your mind as it goes. You need never type another sentence in your life. Put JTQ onto AUTOSEARCH and you will, quite literally, be able to sit back and watch as the sophisticated software finally renders your fingers and brain redundant.

4. JTQ Toolbar installs itself. Just disable all your security software and click THIS LINK [Link deactivated by AddMoreOn] then put your feet up. Go to bed if you like. You are not needed now, and nor will you ever be in future!

Posted by: Martin Richquick (Yip, the Dude is BACK)


Richquick; how did you get on here?! I blocked your login in the summer and grassed you up to Google. I can’t delete your post, and AddMoreOn won’t let me censor your text either. It just puts me into that editor with a picture of the bloke who looks like Paddy Ashdown at the top – the screen that lets you add stuff but not delete anything. I HAVEN'T GOT TIME FOR THIS YOU COMPLETE WITLESS DOME!!! We've done very well without you and your brainless ideas, and now you come here with a bloody toolbar? This isn't Twitter you know! You won't find any half-witted simpletons with the thought-processing skills of a plant on here! The people who read this site have brains and can see what a total incompetent noob you are. You're just showing yourself up…

Thankfully, readers, AddMoreOn has deactivated Richquick’s link, but for anyone who's curious, this is what the toolbar is like…

DO NOT – I repeat, DO NOT download the Spume Industries Wizz Bang “Jeez That’s Quick!” Toolbar, or anything else offered to you by Martin D Spume/Richquick. I accidentally installed this toolbar on my bedroom PC two hours ago, and for the past 110 minutes it’s been shopping. Shopping, WITH MY CREDIT CARD, for crap I don’t need, don’t want, and would not buy even a salesman had me at gunpoint!!! Among other things, I now have ten shell suits (in the wrong size), a new lavatory, six years’ supply of dog biscuits, five hundred assorted baseball caps, and two tickets to see Westlife. And yes, you do get £25 cashback on everything you search for, but the software buys you a hundred and thirty quid’s worth of crap every time it looks for anything – and pays two hundred quid for it! So you're gaining a grand sum of £minus45 each time - assuming you want all the crap, which I dare say you won't.

Oh, and don't disable your security software, obviously.

Moderated by: Bob Leggitt

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